I started writing this post back when we were adopting our 2nd baby. I've been working on it here and there, and wanted to post it now, since SO many of our sweet friends are adopting. I can't wait to see all of those babies (and one toddler!)!
There are about 1,000 books out there that tell you "What to Expect When You're Expecting," right?? What about a book on "What to Expect When You're Expecting...an Adoption Placement!"? Thankfully we had a few friends who we went through our adoption with, and were able to watch others around us handle stuff too. Frankly, it's just uncharted territory! After reading the 2-3 pages (or sentences!) in every adoption book about this, and living through it first hand, here's my recommended schedule. Of course, there are so many different types of adoption situations, but this is just a glimpse into the things that we encountered. :)
Stage I: Thinking about adopting and choosing an agency
1. Read, read, read about adoption. Talk with someone who has adopted and ask a million questions!
2. Don't be afraid to address "issues" that you have with adoption. There are no wrong questions!
3. Make a list of non-negotiable "wants" for an agency before you start
4. Start taking pictures for your scrapbook NOW. You'll want a good variety. Every time you go fishing, out to eat, golfing, get dressed for church, go to the park, have a birthday...you name it!
5. Think about a fun way to announce your plan to your family and friends! I know we wanted to make sure that we announced it in a way that specifically mentioned adoption, so they wouldn't assume I was pregnant.
(Click on the picture to see what we used. Can you solve it??)
6. Start a BLOG. :) It's free and easy, and it's a great way to keep everyone updated on the progress of your adoption. Plus, one day soon you'll want to show off your precious little one!!
7. Start banking as much of your income as humanly possible. If you both will return to work, start taking out the cost of daycare ($1,000/month for a newborn) now! If you want to stay home, start saving your salary today. If you think you can't do either of these things, imagine if you got a placement tomorrow. You'd be able to do it! :) You'll be thankful to have such a chunk saved for adoption fees and baby stuff.
Stage II: You just chose an agency!!
1. Send out those letters of recommendation to your friends/family so they have PLENTY of time!
2. Make doctors appointments for y'all and vet appointments for your furry friends.
3. DO your paperwork! Sit down and crank it out. There are lots of big topics to discuss as a couple (race, physical/mental disabilites) so don't expect to finish it in a day!
4. Make that scrapbook! Include more pictures than words, and choose a good variety of recent pictures. You want 95% of your pictures to be only of the 2 of you. Look online at profiles to get ideas.
5. At this phase you may be dying to spend hours online looking at baby bedding, but remember, there's no need for baby bedding if you can't get chosen yet! :) (I am totally guilty of still doing it though!)
Stage III: You're EXPECTING!!!
1. All of the requirements on your end are DONE! You might be waiting for a home study, but you are officially expecting a baby! Your waiting time may be a few days or a few years. Try to plan for that! haha!
2. Clean out the room that will be your nursery. Get furniture now, because it's gender neutral and it may take a few weeks to come in. It will be the right fit no matter when your baby comes!
3. Buy a pack of newborn and size 1 diapers, a few bottles and something for the baby to sleep in (bassinet or pack 'n play). Choose a car seat! You don't need to buy it yet, but I was stressed about having someone else choose a car seat for me if we got a sudden placement. You want to get a good one, and you might want to get the travel system. If you get the call tonight, you'll have the necessities!
4. Speaking of choosing the type of bottle and car seat, it's
time to register! For now, just pick out the basics. If the agency calls with the FANTASTIC news that a baby was just born, friends and family can get you what you need and
want. :) For the due date, we just picked a random date that was 6-9 months away. You can easily change that online once you get your baby!
5. Stay busy by taking care of life stuff NOW, just like a pregnant friend would. Once that baby arrives, life will come to a screeching halt, and nothing else will matter. :) Get your oil changed, do those nagging home improvement projects, do your taxes, all that fun stuff!
Stage IV: You have a MATCH!!
1. Congratulations! You're mind is going a million miles a minute trying to decide what needs to get done in the next few hours, weeks or short months! You want to be ready, but you want to protect your heart if the baby's birth mom decides to parent instead.
2. One million dollar question is to SHOWER BEFORE or to SHOWER AFTER?? We decided to do some before and some after. You may not have time before the baby is born or the situation may have red flags. Then, I would wait until after. Your friends may not know what to do, so just let them know what you are comfortable with!
3. Buy that car seat you already picked out! Install it in the car. Remember, you will probably have longer to drive when she goes into labor and you won't get that "this might be labor" feeling that a pregnant friend might. You want to be ready to
fly out the door!
4.
Pack a bag for you AND the baby!
Do this ASAP so you don't end up like us, throwing stuff across the room at a frantic pace. That's still one of my favorite stories to hear Mark tell! He tells about how I was throwing prom dresses in the suitcase! Not really, but kind of... I wanted to pack nice stuff to look cute in pictures! What was I thinking?? Here's what you need:
-Everything on the normal lists that you can find online, minus the delivery related objects.
-Hard candies for your birth mom. We wanted to do something for her, so when the nurse said she could have them, we raced out and got a bunch!
-A gift for your birth mom. We gave her cute pjs for her recovery and a photo album with pictures from our time in the hospital (1 hour developing and FAST, simple scrap booking!). There were extra pages for her to keep the pictures that we sent her every month. Brianna loves pictures, so it was a good one for her! I think we also got her flowers while she was in the hospital. Her friends and family might not know exactly what to do in her unique situation, (or they may all show up and bring gifts!) and you'll want to give her everything!
-Cards. We wanted to write a letter to Brianna and to the agency.
-Comfy clothes for you and your husband. You'll be awake around the clock. Yoga pants are a fabulous choice! Although the waiting period to sign was 48 hours, we were at the hospital from Sun.-Wed. because of labor and because we waited until the next day (instead of the middle of the night) to do paperwork. We didn't plan for that long! Since you might be out of town, it's not easy to run home and get more clothes!
-Lots of cute blankets, clothes and accessories so you can take pictures. You won't be physically recovering (thank you, Jesus!) so you can dress up your baby and snap away!
-a laptop. Our memory card quickly ran out of room! Plus, we were able to keep in touch with everyone.
-You won't need diapers, formula or bottles for your little miracle. The hospital has plenty. :)
5. Start picking out bedding and nursery decor! We modeled ours from one on
this ADORABLE website.
This part is up to you. You can do gender neutral in case your adoption falls through. We didn't, but we felt a great peace about our situation. (Plus, I couldn't find a single gender neutral design that I was excited about!) We did paint the walls a neutral color so we could easily change it if we needed to though. You can also just register for 2 different bedding sets, then buy them when you get home from the hospital!
6. Pick out a going home outfit. Awww! Remember, if you are out of town, you'll want something comfy for her to wear on the long drive home.
7. Depending on how much time you have, start making double meals and freezing one. I remember feeling guilty when people signed up to bring us meals since I didn't actually give birth. A few days later, I got over that as the sleep deprivation and reality of life with a newborn kicked in!! If your friend is adopting, BRING HER A MEAL! :)
I hope some of these hints help! I
know I left a lot out, so all of you who've adopted sweet kiddos, please add a comment with your tips!!
