Today is "Don't Say This!" So many of our sweet family and friends have been blessed to adopt a little one into their family, and several more are in the process right now! I know there's a little awkwardness in knowing what to say in adoption situations, only because I too have wondered! I have never been offended by you if you've said one of these things to me because I know your heart. Adoption is becoming a big part of our world, so here are some ways to be a little more adoption friendly! (Many of these are ones I've heard from others, not ones that we've experienced.)
- Mark and I are Landrie's mom and dad. Brianna is her amazing birth mom. You could also call her Landrie's biological mom. If you call Brianna Landrie's "real" mom that makes it seem like we are her "fake" parents, which is not what you are trying to say, right? :)
-"Are they brothers?" This one is one I've heard from parents who adopt 2 kids at once or have kids that are the same race their sibling, but a different race than their parents. Of course they are brothers! When they were adopted, they became brothers for life, regardless of their genes.
-"Do you think you'll ever have a real child?" Landrie is not Pinocchio. And, to answer the question that I know you meant, we would LOVE more kids, no matter how God brings them into our family!
-"This is Landrie, Mark and Corrie's adopted daughter." I LOVE to talk about our adoption (obviously!) so that is not the deal. Tell anyone you want that we adopted Landrie; ask me to talk with your friend about it because I'd love to. It's just that we don't say "biological son" because he is just your son. It's the same with a child that is adopted.
-"Now you're going to get pregnant!" This could happen, but we aren't holding our breath. I never understood how someone could be okay with not being pregnant, but I get it now. I just want babies. I know your cousin's best friend's neighbor got pregnant one week after she turned in her paperwork, but we chose adoption because we felt it was God's best for us, not because of the magic pregnancy dust on the paperwork. :) (On a side note, don't say "Just adopt, you'll get pregnant!" to your sweet infertile friends either!)
{I already did parenthesis, so I decided to switch to these. I know I just said not to say this, but check out this family's adoption story...1 to 4 in one year!!}
-Don't say anything negative about the child's birth parents. They have made an incredibly hard decision to create an adoption plan because they love their baby. Adoptive parents (usually) love the birth family. I know our hearts broke for Brianna the day she made that difficult decision and our hearts overflow with love for her because of the amazing decision she was able to make. She didn't "give up" Landrie for adoption, she made a choice that was what was best for Landrie, not herself.
-"Is he adopted?" If you see a family with a kid or two that don't fit the mold, don't ask! That red hair may be a recessive gene, or maybe you just spilled the beans for a 5 year old who didn't know. If the child is a different race then, yes, he is adopted. Or, maybe he's from a previous relationship...you never know. Just wait and get to know your new friends. You'll find out. :)
When Mark and I first started on this adoption journey, we were constantly trying to correct our language as we navigated the uncharted waters of adoption. It's a new thing to many of us! We love you all for embracing our sweet baby Landrie with open arms!
5 comments:
I ADORE this blog! It's so much of what I want to say and try to say, but it just sounds SOO much better someone from someone who has been through it all like you. What do I know?! I'm just a social worker! :)
What a great post! I loved it! :) I think my favorite was where you listed "Is Landrie your REAL child?" I have also been asked, "Do you ever hope to have any children of your own?" (as if Isaac wasn't really our own!) You're right...you just have to realize their heart. We've all said the wrong thing, but that one can be hard.
Corrie, I am loving your blog and think it's great how you're doing 8 days of adoption...for more than one reason. If I was ever capable of keeping up with 8 consecutive days of posts, I would feel like that was a huge achievement in itself, but I think it's so interesting and open that you can share all of this. Landrie is so beautiful and I can't believe that she is almost ONE!!
oh my!!! this was funny and heart wrenching too...we people can say the darndest things!! Can't wait to read tomorrow's!!!
Very well said Corrie. Someone recently asked us, "How tall were his parents?" I wanted to answer, "Well I'm about 5'10" and Beth 5'4"" :-)
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