Today is the flip side of Wednesday's "Don't Say This" post. Mark and I have a 7 year old nephew who was adopted when we were still dating. There was a lot I wanted to ask or say to my future brother and sister - in- law, but I didn't want to say the wrong thing. These are things that are 100% okay to say to adoptive parents. As a matter of fact, I LOVE to hear them!
-"Ahhhhhhh!!!" or "EEEEEEKK"" or "I have never been SO EXCITED in my life!!!" You get the idea. When we prepared to tell family and friends that we had chosen adoption as the way to grow our family, we were ready for all kinds of weird looks or strange comments. We LOVED how excited you all were!!
We used this puzzle to share our good news with some of our family and friends. Can you figure it out?? HINT: My niece's name is Abbie.
-It's perfectly okay to say "Landrie has your eyes!" or "She's great at sports just like her daddy!" You don't need to make up a resemblance, but if you feel the need to say something you can always comment on a personality trait. I love that when a stranger said something about how much Landrie looked like me and I told her Landrie was adopted she started to argue with me! She was shocked that an adopted child could resemble her mom! :)
My sweet friend Angela gave me this onesie before Landrie was born. It says, "gorgeous (just like my mom)."
-Do act like we are a regular, normal family. Adoption is not a better way to have kids, it's just another way! We don't elevate adoption when we talk with Landrie, it's just one more special way that God makes families!
-When we first bring the baby (toddler, 7 year old) home, act just like you would if a friend or family member came home from the hospital with a newborn. Throw a baby shower (or a welcome to the family party for an older child with clothes and toys!) and bring meals. Some adoptive parents want a shower before they bring the baby home and others would rather wait (or don't have time!). Just ask. We didn't have any baby stuff, so we had two showers after we got matched but before we brought Landrie home. We knew we ran the risk of a bunch of adorable pink stuff and a failed adoption. That would have been really hard.
-Ask questions! If you aren't sure, you can just ask a general question like, "What was the hardest part?" or "How are you adjusting to motherhood?" instead of "How much did it cost?" or "Why didn't your birth mom want to keep her?" General questions give adoptive parents the chance to talk about this life changing event without asking something they aren't comfortable talking about. Just like you may (or may not!) have told people the story about your labor experience!
If you want to check out the rest of the "8 Days of Adoption" posts, just click here!
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