8 Days of ADOPTION-Open Adoption

Well, you are either relieved or sad at this point. :)  Tomorrow is the last days of my first ever attempt at 8 straight days of blogging.  Unless I have another crazy surgery while on vacation again, it probably will never happen again!  Only 2 1/2 more weeks until I can pick up sweet Landrie again!

So, on to talking about the one topic that I get asked about OVER and OVER again.  I know, it's weird.  It's not a normal, everyday thing to hang out with the woman who carried our baby and gave birth to her.  Many of you imagine feelings of extreme jealousy (I used to!) or of worry that Brianna will somehow take her back (every prospective adoptive parents' greatest fear!).  Turns out, that like many things, what we can imagine is much worse than the reality.  That fear of going away to college turns into "This is the best ever!"  :)

Open adoption can mean many things.  In the past year and half, we've had SO many of our friends adopt sweet babies. Some are still in the process right now.  Every single one of us has a different relationship with our birth mom, because we've all chosen what works best for our families.

As I said before in my Baby Mama post, birth moms are just girls whose birth control failed.  They are normal, every day people.  That was NOT what I initially imagined in my head. :)  

We went to the all day training at Inheritance and our perception changed completely.  We heard birth moms and adoptive parents speak.  Linda, an adoptive mom, spoke, and we were blown away.  Really??  You went to a mall with your daughter's birth mom?  Are you crazy?  Then her daughter's birth mom spoke, and she was so sweet and normal!  Our hearts began to change.

Brianna chose her top 2 couples by looking through profiles.  This is really common as the "lightest" type of open adoption.  She knows your 1st names, what you look like and what you like to do.  Then we met for a match meeting face to face.  That was nerve-wracking!!  Some people never talk to their baby's birthmom, and others talk on the phone. Here we are after going to her sonogram appointment with her.  This is more rare, just because of travel (if you aren't local) and because many agencies wait until the last trimester to match, which is after that 20 week sono.  I cannot even begin to tell you what it was like to see our baby moving around with her tiny heart beating on that screen.  I LOVED it!

If you ever watch Adoption Stories (A Baby Story's sister show) on TLC, you may see couples in the hospital with their birth mom.  If you haven't seen it, click here to see when it's playing next!  We rushed to be there for the big event!!  I'm still in my dress from my baby shower where I found out Brianna was in labor. :)  We stayed for several hours, but waited in the waiting room when Landrie was actually born.

We didn't have any idea how things would go in the hospital, but they couldn't have gone better!  Landrie stayed with us in a room next door to Brianna so we could easily go to each other's room.  It was strange at first.  We didn't know each other that well, but we shared this incredibly personal, amazing experience.  That hospital time was kind of like church camp.  You share so much that you just can't help getting close!  Landrie was a few hours old when we attempted this diaper change.  

We left the future meetings up to Brianna.  Mark, who at first was even more apprehensive than me, was ready to do anything.  He didn't care if she wanted to see us every weekend!! :)  She chose a much more reasonable time of when Landrie was 5 weeks old.  How adorable is that tiny baby girl??

Another great part of having an open adoption is that Brianna's daughter gets to spend time with Landrie too.  Brynn is so sweet with her little sister!  I can't believe how much they look alike.  I've known several people who found out about a sibling or half sibling much later in life and felt like they missed out.  I'm glad Landrie and Brynn get to be friends from the start!

One thing that many adoptive parents do is send pictures and letters each month for the 1st year, then every year after that.  Here is the very first picture pack we sent to Brianna!  We hadn't exchanged addresses yet, so we put the pictures, letter and an extra envelope inside the big manila envelope. We sent the big envelope to our agency, then they sent everything on to Brianna!

Yup, this is Brynn playing with 6 month old Landrie in our home.  When we met Brianna, we were immediately comfortable with her, but we didn't tell her our last name.  In the hospital, we grew closer and told her our last name.  At that point, we knew she wasn't an ax murderer or anything. :)  I still thought all future meetings would be at a park or restaurant.  Before our first meeting, I was going crazy trying to think of a good place to hang out in October with a 2 year old and a 5 week old.  We needed a comfortable place, maybe with couches, where we could stay as long as we wanted and where Brynn could be free to run around.  Hmmm...  My sleep- deprived little brain was drawing a blank.  Barnes and Noble??  When Brianna sweetly suggested our home as a possibility, it was perfect.  Mark and talked through all the reasons why it would be a bad idea, and we couldn't think of a single one. :)   

I think one of the main reasons that adoptive parents are fearful of an open adoption is because they don't know what a birth mom is like.  Check out my Baby Mama post that I wrote about what a typical birth mom looks like.  I love that I wrote, "You never know, one day we might be in a relationship where we end up inviting her to our baby's birthday, and you might meet her!"  Guess who came to Landrie's party?  You'll just have to wait for tomorrow's picture overload to find out!! :)

Sometimes the birth mom is not at a place in her life where she's comfortable with and open adoption.  Sometimes she feels it will be too painful.  Other times, your baby's birth mom is not someone who you would like to hang around your child.  If she's a drug addict who has been in jail 7 times for aggravated assault, you probably will just send her pictures!   We don't know what our next adoption will look like, but for Landrie, having an open adoption is amazing.  

If you want to check out the rest of the "8 Days of Adoption" series, just click here!  If you are new to our blog and want to see more about our match meeting, hospital stay and visits with Brianna, just click the "Landrie's Birth Mom- Brianna" label on the top right of the blog, or click here.

I CAN'T WAIT for Landrie's first birthday tomorrow!  Get ready for a post with a TON of party pictures!!